Okay, I am going to admit here that being referred to an orthopedic specialist has thrown me and messed with my head.
It started with shoulder pain months ago in two areas,
the front of the shoulder and the top of the shoulder (the AC joint). I had
physio and acupuncture which both helped—and which I rather enjoyed! Often I had
other muscles which decided to come to the party and so they too were dealt
with in treatment. I was doing great until I mowed the lawns. The grass was
long, the first fertile burst of spring growth, and it was still a little damp,
but the bins would be emptied the next day and I knew I wanted the bin empty
for the weekend so I could weed the gardens—which would fill the bin again. I
mowed, and had to empty the catcher repeatedly. And afterwards, I hurt big
time. At 1 a.m. I was tossing back painkillers and went back to bed with a gel
ice pack on my shoulder.
It was, I informed myself, time to see a doctor. Maybe
they could help me understand what was going on. The doctor was great, but to
confirm the inflamed bursa she referred me for an ultrasound and X rays, and
prescribed some painkillers—and the painkillers work beautifully!
When I was having the ultrasound done I talked to the
lady and so she told me what she was seeing, and pointed out the thickened
bursa, and the muscle that was not able to move properly because of the
inflamed bursa. She also looked at the AC joint on the shoulder and compared it
to the other shoulder. The left definitely had a much bigger carrot shaped gap
and one side was higher. That was all I could see, and I did not think it would
be a problem.
Two days later my doctor called me, said she had the
results, and the bursa was definitely inflamed and thickened, but they were
quite concerned about the large gap between the bones in the AC joint and the
rough look to the end of one of the bones. She said she wanted to refer me to
an orthopedic specialist.
Bugger.
I am now booked in, and see the specialist in a little
over a week, but this has really messed with my head. Why? Because as soon as
someone tells you that there might be something wrong with the bones, you start feeling phantom aches and pains! And that is exactly
what happened. I started to hurt more! I took painkillers, I went to bed with
the ice pack, but I could not shut off the worry in my mind. I love learning
martial arts, and I am wondering if this problem will one day mean I can’t
train, and I am a writer who works at a laptop, so what will happen to
my ability to work all day... these worries started filling my head, and I started
to feel a bit sad. I haven’t even seen the specialist yet and already these
crazy fears were filling my mind. So, I am here, writing what you are reading
because I need to talk, to find a way to get this out of my head!
The shoulder hurts with some activities, so I will modify
them. Okay, that helps.
I can tell my family and ask that they not leave the
heavy pots for me to clean as the lifting hurts my shoulder. I’ve been referred
to a specialist so they will take my request seriously. Okay, that helps too!
I can use Wing Chun principles in how I move to take the
strain off the shoulder—which will have the added benefit of improving my Wing
Chun. That helps too!
I can look at my diet, and try to give my body as much excellent nutrition as possible. That will definitely help!
I do healings on other people, so I will start to do them
on myself every night. That will help!
I will discuss this situation with my physiotherapist and
ask for exercises that will support the entire shoulder, and then I will do
those every day. That is definitely going to help!
I will practice some Wing Chun every day to train my body
to use direction, intent, focus of energy instead of simply muscle—it is a
fascinating art! This is definitely going to help me!
If I want to be the proverbial picture of health, then I
have to see it, to eat in a way that will ensure I achieve it, to think in a
way that resonates with good health, and to keep my body in balance physically,
mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
If my body is trying to tell me something, I will listen
to it, and then I will support it though every means I know. If I listen
better, it will not need to shout so loudly.
You see, I knew it would help to come here and just talk
it through. I feel much better already!
When I sit here and write, I find my answers, I find my
calm. And I feel infinitely better now than when I first began to write this
entry!
