What does autumn signify?

We have entered autumn, here in New Zealand. This is an interesting season when looked at from a spiritual comparison.

This is the season where we let go of that which does not serve us, that which is not aligned with our highest growth. As the trees let go of their leaves, so too should we let got of bitterness, anger, resentment, pain, hurt, and anything else within us which we no longer which to keep. Simply let it go.

It is important to do that because when autumn ends we will enter winter. Winter is the season of going within and rebuilding ourselves in line with our highest potential. We cannot successfully embrace that if we are still holding on to our negative baggage.

Spring, of course, is the first burst of that new growth, that potential.

So, now that you have some idea of how the seasons can truly be a reflection of our own growth, are you will to step forward and make some progress?

The great chimney battle

The proverbial 'before' shot

As I began writing this the jackhammer was taking my chimney down layer by layer. I was rather proud of my chimney, as it appeared to be not giving up without a fight! It was, as we have observed, a very well built chimney, and this is perhaps the reason it separated from the rest of the house but did not actually fall down!! 

We have—the house and I—lived through the earthquakes and aftershocks on very good terms. I, for my part, have been intensely grateful that the house remained standing! When the September 7.1 hit (the first quake which set all of this off) it was so violent I was certain may house was being destroyed, that all of the exterior block-work and stucco was being shaken off the house. When I inspected the house in daylight it still stood strong, and the only evidence of the earthquake was step cracking through the mortar, and the cracks down each side of the chimney which, at that point in time, were not too bad. She has been through a lot (I don’t know why I call it a ‘she’), and so yes, I am intensely grateful! How much more can she take? She’s like me, way too stubborn to ever give up!

Poster shot -- pity it wasn't summer....he'd have been topless!

So, today we commenced a new look, which I am assured with be the tarpaulin look. Quite sheik and mysterious, though this will only be over night. By days end tomorrow we will hopefully have the full plywood look. A fashionable trend across Christchurch these days! Plywood offers so many opportunities! Do I paint to match the house? Do I offer the blank plywood canvas to friends of my daughter’s at Design & Art College? Do I offer it as advertising space? So many possibilities…

I have begged for pink batts to be placed between the plywood and the house as, for some incredibly stupid reason, this house does not have insulation. We freeze in winter, hence my great worshiping of the heat pump – I lay flowers at its altar every freezing day!

Progressing slowly...

As I sat here writing, I wondered if the windows would stay in the house if we had a decent aftershock, or fall out*…as the chimney which stood between them is half down, and the wall above them is also gone. Guess I will find out the answer if we get an aftershock of any significant size. Frankly we barely move for anything under a 5.0—even the cats don’t move for anything under a 5.0! 

At a 5.5 I might look up from the laptop, at a 6.3 I’ll be hanging on to something. Last Monday (June 13) in the midst of the 6.3 I, for some incredibly bizarre reason, swore at the earth and told her to “cut it out and sit still!” I don’t know why I thought that might work, but I was a little pissed off, I was in the middle of making a latte (coffee)! Priorities people, priorities!!

And then the power went out so I could not froth my milk. Heartbreak!!

One of the top 5 toughest to take down! I was so proud!

Normally I am a devout tea drinker, but since my daughter’s boyfriend, Jake, brought round an espresso machine suddenly espressos/latte became a daily necessity! My daughter, Lisa, taught me how to froth the milk, and so we are immensely proud of ourselves when we get ‘a good froth!’ (yes, we are incredibly easy to please!). I limit myself to three coffees a day—I was having five or six but people tell me that’s too many!!!

Gaping wound!

I just deviated off topic, didn’t I…

Back to quakes and shakes…

Don't even think it!

When the builders left to drop off a load of ‘chimney’ and take a lunch break, I had to chase one of our cats away from the remaining chimney as the little ‘toad’ decided—having jumped up the scaffolding—that  she could actually make it into the roof cavity, while it was exposed. This was after she looked down the centre of the chimney and toyed with the idea—I could tell by the look on her face that ‘toying’ was going on—of jumping down into the chimney. That’s the last thing I need, a cat in the chimney or in the roof!!

By days end we had what seriously looked like a bandaid on the face of our house! She looked like she’s been in a fight—and I guess she had, because she fought the builders every step of the way! Round two starts 8.30 a.m. tomorrow morning! **

Down to the last layers!

In Christchurch, at this time, in my personal opinion, builders are gods!!!

The new look. Not sure it's working for me....

 

*  Note: an aftershock of 5.4 did hit at 10.30 pm and the windows did stay in the house!!! Hoorah! And…thank heavens the chimney was half down!

**  Update: The following day the rest of the chimney conceded to go quietly… Perhaps tomorrow we will have plywood…

Earthquakians

We are the ‘earthquakians’ (a terminology I have just stolen from a friend*) and we live in a place that for nine months has absolutely refused to keep still. This is, I point out, not the normal nature of this land, for I have lived here a long time and she sat still most of the time.

I find that these quakes (it is so utterly bad that I am having to use plural) have had an effect on me, all of them (also really really bad to be able to use such a term as ‘all of them’!!) and my sense of humour has developed a ravenous hunger of its own. Mind you, in these times of such stress (so thick in the city you could slice it, wrap it, and mail it to a convent) we need to find stuff to laugh at. A gorgeous friend sent me a funny email and I so appreciated it because if we don’t find something to laugh at we are going to start laughing at really inappropriate things. Take, for example, the state of my house...

My chimney is falling off my house? Fucking hilllaaaarrious!!!!

I think the foundations may have moved cos the French doors won’t close? Pissing myself that I may have a hillock in my lounge!

The cracks in the house are moving? Rolling on the floor giggling that my house is like a transformer – house one minute, self-aware-leggo-blocks the next!! FUNNNNNYYYY!

The front of my house may soon be plywood???? Gads, what deliciously inappropriate art can I commission for it?? What art would both delight and shock my neighbours? WEEETTTING myself at the endless opportunities!!

The east is sinking in liquifaction? Glories BE, that must mean the west is rising, surely?? Fist salute!

You see what I mean? That last one is just completely inappropriate!




(* stole said terminology from  Ms Deborah McKay Loughlin -- she just told me I had to give her the credit!)

The Inspirational Cathy DeBuono

Sometimes in life we discover a writer, a poet, a musician, an artist, or an actor/actress who really touches us. 
 
I have discovered that ‘touch’ in Cathy DeBuono. She is intelligent, eloquent, funny, and oh-my-god-gorgeous! But the most stunningly gorgeous thing about her is this: she is comfortable being who she is. 

Her advice in her Vlog What’s YOUR problem? comes from this place of knowing who she is. Why is this important? Because our journey through life is to know who we are, and to love who we are, so that we can love other people. It is not that we cannot love another until we love ourself, it is that can love better and greater when we also love ourself. 

I have not watched all of Cathy’s Vlogs, because I only ‘discovered’ her a week ago, but I have loved the Vlogs I have watched. It is not just that she gives good advice because she is a trained Psychotherapist (with a Masters in Psychology), but that she herself knows who she is, and is comfortable with who she is. She is very ‘present’ and very ‘honest’. I love this! I love that purity of honesty.

Too many people play games, pretend to be someone they are not, live behind facades and designer clothes, and never really show any kind of personal honesty. By that honesty I mean they don't know who they are, therefore they cannot live who they are. Instead they buy into the materialism of society, of trying to 'be' someone, of placing importance on money and fame instead of personal honesty and integrity. I would rather spend an evening with one or two people who are 'real' and comfortable in their own skin, that a room full of plastic people...or, I'd rather just stay home.

Cathy DeBuono is someone to watch, to listen to, to admire, and to respect. Yes, I'm a fan!

She’s given me a lot to think about, and one of those things was that as an actress she is a commodity that she has to market. That made me think more closely about some of the things I want to do in my life. Does it ‘fit’ the commodity that I (me as a writer) am trying to market? To market the commodity, you must know the commodity, and when you know the commodity, you will know how to market it, how to be it, to fully and passionately—absolutely no holding anything back—live it. 

My philosophy is: live with all the passion I possibly can.  

Don’t giggle, LAUGH!
Don’t sip at life, GULP IT DOWN!
Don’t air kiss your friends, GRAB THEM AND HUG THEM TIGHT!
Don’t judge anyone, LOVE THEM FOR WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE!
Don’t be meek, BE PASSIONATE!
Don’t be half hearted, GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT TO GIVE!
Don’t just say…oh I don’t know… “Cathy DeBuono is good”, say “OH MY GOD, CATHY DEBUONO IS FREAKINGLY AWESOME!!” and say it with excitement, passion, shout it, feel it, know it! 

Stop holding back in life. As this person that you are, you have one run, make it count, make it the best it can be. Find people of value to listen to (Cathy De Buono...me!) and dive headlong into life! Don’t judge others, accept them, love them, learn who they are. Seek out people who inspire you, make you think, and even the people who push your buttons—because if no one pushes your buttons you won’t know they’re there! It’s a journey, people, a wild, and fantastic, and incredible journey!

I will leave you with a quote from Eckhart Tolle: "You will find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level."




(this post is also on my website on the Journal of the Wandering Mind page
www.robynmspeed.com/journal.htm)

3 months after the earthquake

I took my first walk around a part of the central business district cordon.

I don’t know how long the CBD will be cordoned off, but looking at the damage around the area yesterday, it is clear there is a lot of work ahead.

There were quite a few people walking around , on a nice Saturday or Sunday this is what Cantabrians do, we walk around the CBD cordoned area. Sometimes we do this is silence, sometimes with reverence, sometimes we talk to other people, sometimes we stare at a building in awe and sadness.

 The Arts Centre is a part of our heritage, it was our city’s first university. It now harbours cafes, and a variety of art shops, plus a weekend market, which is a favourite with both locals and visitors. The cost of repairing the Arts Centre will be around a hundred million dollars. The Arts Centre, the Christchurch Cathedral, and the Catholic Cathedral, these are important to our city. We have lost so many buildings of a similar vintage and style, and we cannot bear to lose them all. As strange as it may sounds, these old buildings are not just part of our heritage, they are part of the Soul of Christchurch.

 

 Walking around the cordon was hard. It was the first time I had done this, as I had waited until the cordon had shrunk enough that we could see the buildings that meant so much to us all. An area that is usually bustling, was empty and silent, behind wire fencing, the entry points guarded by police and army personnel. It was still, silent, lifeless, as if everything still stood in respect of the lives lost.

We looked at empty plots of land, and could not even remember what building once stood there. There were too many of these empty plots of land. Buildings that had survived the September quake with minimal damage just did not survive the February earthquake.

We've lost a good few churches ... many of them historic and beautiful. This is just one of them. Some were being repaired from the September earthquake but when the February one hit, they were destroyed.

The Provincial Chambers were beautiful ... likely the same vintage as the Arts Centre and the Christchurch Cathedral (I'm no historian, so don't quote me on that!) In 25 seconds the building was destroyed.

And amidst all of that damage, amidst that silent reverence, was the most beautiful sound. As we approached the block that houses the Arts Centre, there, just outside the wire fencing that surrounds the damaged Arts Centre, was a woman playing a saxophone. Amidst all of that her music floated on the air. It was perfect. It was the sound of heaven amidst what felt like the destruction of hell.

I had seen her at the Arts Centre in the past, but this time I walked across the road when she took a break, shook her hand, and told her how perfect her music was amidst all of the damage. I had put a twenty dollar note in my pocket before we left home, and her CD was for sale for twenty dollars, so I bought it. Every time I listen to it I will remember how her music touched me on that day. Her name is Elle Walker.

Imagine it. The city is silent, there are not many people around—in an area that, prior to the earthquake, was bustling and noisy—and these beautiful notes from a saxophone just fill the air. It was as if they were trying to take up the space of the grief, to fill it with hope, with healing, with joy.